what if the time stops ticking at 7:02 PM
I feel like a complete nuisance. To my family. To my friends. Especially my mother. I’ve reached the stage of life where I think life is not worth living. Nothing keeps me going in life anymore. Okay, maybe my loved ones. If it wasn’t for them, I swear I’d give up on myself. How immature of me you might think. The reason behind all these shit? School.
I get worried over the slightest things easily. You know how sometimes planes would fly by or something, and it seems like those war shows where they release bombs and stuff? When I listen to the sound of airplanes flying by, I keep chanting in my head, “Bomb me, bomb me, let me die” or something like that. Or when I sleep, I wish I’d not wake up. But immediately after thoughts of death, I think of the people I love. And I’d tell myself to keep going.
This cycle happens over and over again. Like now, I manage to pick myself back up from melancholy, after awhile, I’d just sink right back into depression. Dammit. I hate myself for being so weak. I hate it.
I’ve got loads to say. But I suddenly haven’t got the mood to write. I feel like dying. I haven't got the will to live. End.
what if the time stops ticking at 2:35 PM
Dear Diary.
I CANT BELIEVE SCHOOL IS STARTING TOMORROW! Ugh. Somebody stab me, hard. Please. Time flies, literally. At first, I didn't think so. But now, I do. I can't actually believe approximately four to five months have passed since the O'levels ended.
Last Wednesday I went for Day 1 of the orientation. Which sucked real bad. It was classroom orientation. Meaning, we went through how a normal day's lesson would, and for crying out loud, I wanted to run home and cry. I faced so much trouble from my super highly secured firewall. From the day I configured my laptop at RP, until today. Good thing I had my mom and friend to rely on that day. Or I could have 'died' in school that day. Probably suffer from a mental breakdown or something. Exaggerating now? I guess.
Anyway, I've more or less met my classmates. And I feel utterly intimidated by them. They seem to be able to carry themselves off pretty darn well. Being me, one who hides in my own shell and one whom doesn't dare exert myself, I feel really, really small. The worst part of it is, we have presentation every single day, which will be graded. (cry me a river) I have, I have, I HAVE TO OVERCOME MY FEAR! Sigh. But who am I trying to kid. Inside, it's like more than a gallon of tears accumulating, waiting to erupt out of my eyes. I hate beginnings. Abhor them. Pfft. Somebody save me. Damn, I'm being such a baby. I know. I can't help it....
Nevertheless, I wish everybody many MANY happy days ahead. And may tomorrow start off beautifully.
what if the time stops ticking at 12:50 AM
what if the time stops ticking at 4:38 PM
Dear Diary.
Thoughts are run run running through my head right now. Anyhow, here's today's 'topic'. Blogspot. Blogger. Aka, An Online Diary. Then I think, DIARY. Isn't a diary something we write our personal thoughts, encounters, feelings in? So, to confirm what I thought a diary is, I looked up dictionary.com and this is what I found:
di·a·ry [dahy-uh-ree]
1. a daily record, usually private, esp. of the writer's own experiences, observations, feelings, attitudes, etc.
3. a book or pad containing pages marked and arranged in calendar order, in which to note appointments and the like.
Then I think, it's really dumb. (I reckon I've mentioned this to a friend or did I type this down before? Ah, what the heck) What is a diary when I have difficulties writing/typing my true feelings, experiences, observations, attitudes, etc in it? It's far too restricted here.
Talking about feelings. How many of you leave in all the abhorrence, the disgust, the HATE, the animosity, the rage within you? How many of you restrain, bite your own tongue when the urge of blurting everything out is so strong? I do. My whole life, I haven't really stood up for, or even TO myself. I feel like a failure. I guess I haven't got the guts.
Oh bloody hell. This post is so..bleak and emo. Lol (: Again, I'm so tempted to clear off this whole entry. But I guess if you read this, I made it in clicking PUBLISH huh? Cheers people, the sun is shining brightly outside.
