what if the time stops ticking at 10:50 PM
HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
hold your breaths people. introducing the final post of Year 2006. waha! this is it people. the END. aren't you peeps glad it's all over. this certainly marks the end of Secondary Education for me. 17 years. hur! TOMORROW'S YEAR. (how often do you get to say that). tomorrow's year will be a brand new year. (yes yes, sprouting nonsense i know) tonight when the clock strikes twelve, thou shalt mark my new year by laughing (: to start my new year with happiness. hahaha.
my night wasn't exactly pleasant. but i shan't elaborate on it. 'cause tomorrow will be a happy day. yes? in a few more hours i can change my calendar and start a new life. YAY. i'll be ending here ya'll. take care and have a spanking NEW year!
what if the time stops ticking at 4:19 PM
Dear Diary.
christmas day stinks. it's a boring boring day. the party last night which consisted of thirty nine peeps (and a hamster), turkey, honey baked ham, lasagne, potato salad, mushroom soup, fishballs, crispy chicken, beehoon, fruit salad, cocktail, wine, etc etc. did not interest me. nor hype me up one bit.
i think my displeasure could be seen distinctly this year. everytime i shaked hands with someone and smile, i forced my mouth open, bearing my teeth in a very VERY fake manner, wished them Merry Christmas and quickly moved on to the next person hoping i could get it over and done with and head back to the computer. i got pissed with myself, for being such a stuck up jerk. 'cause if someone did that to me i'll probably be cursing at him/her. HA!
almost everybody looked as if they were enjoying themselves and had this let-us-do-this-again-next-year look. kill me somebody. i seriously have a problem with, myself. why is it that i find it so hard to start a conversation, to really smile sincerely, to plain enjoy myself and have fun.
i sat here last night. and i'm sitting here now. thinking what an bore i am. and have absolutely no purpose in life. i wake up every morning, go through the same old routine. wash up, breakfast, laze around the house, do housework. if not, i go out when my friends ask me to. when i use the computer, i see if my anime(s) is/are being released. i browse through people's blogs. i chat with people who chat with me. which is a bare minimum. surf the net aimlessly. i spend most of my time staring at the screen actually. when i'm in the mood, i do a little designing. but usually end up clicking the big X at the top right hand corner of the screen. oh yes! how can i miss out blogging. typing hundreds and hundreds of words on how my life totally sucks. yet again indulging in self pity. pathetic.
i actually want to get OUT of the house now. but i cant really be bothered to ask people out. or rather, i dont know who i can ask to chill with me on this lazy, lazy day. what's more, i'd have to go through the whole trouble of deciding where to go, what time to meet, what to wear, blah. so i guess i'll end up joining my parents this Christmas to god knows where.
have a
what if the time stops ticking at 9:02 PM
MERRY CHRISTMAS (eve) to one and all (:
what if the time stops ticking at 10:22 PM
Dear Diary.
my room is finally PACKED. it's been nearly a month since my room was in a state of mess. now, it's oh-so-neat. hur! (: tomorrow is the paaaarrty. (which i'm not looking forward to apparently) i also cleaned all the mirrors you can find in my house and they are smudge free. only, i wiped till my arm got really tired. but i couldn't stop halfway. i persisted. HA!
the day before i had this barbeque thing at peiqi's place. there was a group of people, none from my class. all from N1. about 10-odd people? yup. i went to peiqi's place early with huimin to do some deep-frying. (chicken nuggets and fries) there, her younger sister kept pacing to and fro giving off comments. lol. she said we didn't know how to cook. especially me. OMG? hahaha. at that point of time, i didn't know whether to feel offended or laugh at that joke. but i laughed anyway. she mention about me having this qian jing xiao jie face. but not bad huh. i've got that kinda look, yet in real life i do lots of housework and i can cook!
during the BBQ i kept quiet most of the time, knowing my behaviour. they were playing cards and i was invited to the game twice, but i didn't wanna play. 'cause i feel i couldn't feel fit in. which is a pretty silly thought huh. anyhow, after that. me, fengyu, huimin and peiqi sat somewhere away. near this monsoon drain and chatted about stuff. chatting was great. only, it made me feel down. but they were good to talk to i guess. somehow, they always seem to say things that make you think life isn't that bad afterall. lol. the wind was really chilly there. i wish we could have sat there through the night and chatted all the way till dawn broke. oh well. next time perhaps? (:
i had to take 3 buses to get home. luckily i made it home. i was afraid i'd miss the last bus. heh! by the time i reached home, it was past midnight already. i had my shower and used the computer awhile before sleeping.
soon it'd be christmas eve. ladida. i'm ending here today. BYE ALL!
what if the time stops ticking at 12:01 AM
Dear Diary.
i've been out and about these few days. i can now sit in front of the computer and relax. haha (: monday, tuesday and wednesday were supposedly job-hunting days. yeah, we did job hunt. but up till now, no phone calls. only one from an agency. let's see: at tuas. working as a receptionist. minimum pay $5.50 per hour. five and a half day week. NAH. so i declined. hurhur. anyhow. have been out with the same group of peeps day after day. kinda kills boredom though. i mean, hey! hanging out with the same type as me. (the out-of-job type) :D i guess tomorrow i'm going to slack all day at home. or maybe do some spring cleaning around the house since there's going to be a party on Christmas Eve.
jialing asked if i'd like to work as a sales assistant. selling crystals I THINK. i'm not too sure about the details. i must ask her again, but somehow i dont really dare. yikes. i certainly hope the working location isn't far out. weewooweewoo. should i call tomorrow? i wonder.
i had a nightmare last night. what nightmare? i got my O'level results. (frowns) i flunked really bad. really bad. on tuesday, when i was out with them. they were talking about the entrance for whichever polytechnic courses. and i felt so out of place and upset. i kinda have this mindset like, i'm going to fail my Os and enter the ITE. seriously. they say, have more confidence. but i cant. i dont want to give myself hope, for nothing. some wanted to enter the Business School. some wanted the Science School. yada-yada. i have my dreams too. i wanted business or arts (as in MEDIA art or whatever). but when i went to the sites to check out the COPs. i sunk. there is NOWAY i can enter business because i totally messed up my humanities. for design, you need really good grades as well, i dont know why. pffft. people say, plan. plan for what? they don't always go according as we plan. why self-decieve. why climb up high then fall down greater. why didn't i study hard enough before? yes, it's easy to talk (or rather, type) ahh~ whatever. it's over anyway. in one or two month's time, i'll be obtaining my results. i'll either cry my eyes swollen or laugh my ass off whether i qualify into a Polytechnic or not. OMG. it's not even NEAR and the nightmares have already started.
my golly, look at the time. i've not showered since my return. off i go now. after that, i wanna do some reading. heh! (:
what if the time stops ticking at 11:31 PM
Dear Diary.
i had a blast. hahaha. yes i did. after months and months of delay. we finally met up together to SHOP! woooot. we went to vivo, shopped. then to bugis, shopped. then BACK to vivo, to shop again! lol. hilarious? yes. got myself a top and bottom. YAY! my christmas gifts from mommy and korkor.
we had Ben & Jerry's for lunch. shared four scoops of heavenly ice-cream covered with hot fudge, whipped cream and chocolate rice. OMG. sounds so very tempting right. (and so very fattening) haha. snapped lots of pictures today. ladida. sweet SWEET memories. tourist-like? yes. but, i dint really care la.
then for dinner. we went to PastaMania and ordered pasta (OBVIOUSLY). hurhur. i was damn full. had kylie to help me finish a little bit of mine. tsktsk. both of them were like frequent customers there. while, it was my first time there (: i dont really dine out to eat pasta, 'cause i think my mom makes the best ones. OOPS! weeewooweewoo.
i think shopping with kyl and sher is the best. maybe 'cause we know each other very well (size wise) hurhur. so there's no need to feel shy or whatever. yeap. oh yes! sheri called me while i was at VivoCity. and asked me how to get there. and wow-wee-woo. fate brought us together, LOL. we really coincidentally bumped into each other. or rather, she whacked me in the back (: exchanged a few words and departed ): yes, we must go out some time. heh!
the journey home was awful. i mean the HEAT. omg. the sweltering heat. it was almost suffocating i tell you. from one end to another we sat, with our butts stuck on the seat. then i came home, expecting my brother to be at the computer and planned to shower then go to bed. BUT. he's not around. he went out drinking with his friends i think. so YAY. i'm here. here to blog. here to chill. here to stay. yahooo! i'm ending here now. HAPPY HOLIDAYS FOLKS!
what if the time stops ticking at 9:20 PM
Dear Diary.
i'm in a horrible mood.
what if the time stops ticking at 9:14 PM
Dear Diary.
WOOOOT! hahahaha. i shall elaborate later, with regards to my euphoria. anyhow, last saturday was awesome. yes, work was awesome. why? 'cause the stinking program crashed. HA! and i couldn't enter any of the data, so yup! i rearranged stacks and stacks of papers for hours. and off i went home (: what's more i didn't have to see that woman's face. (she was on leave) ahhh~ bliss.
on sunday, i went to Escape with kailing fengyu and huimin for FREE. hurhur. because huimin had free tickets. yay! i din't really get to sit all of the rides. but at least most of it. argh! i wanna do the go kart thing. dang. but the queue was outrageously long. so i didn't get to take the 'ride'. oh well. after that, we went off and bought ourselves hotdog buns. sat in the middle of nowhere and munched.
TODAY. i went to work. hahaha. (i cant contain my excitement..breathe rachel, BREATHE) :D when i reached my workplace, the door was locked. all of us had to wait outside. wait for the man to unlock it. BUT. the man who's suppose to unlock the door went out. out to dont-know-where. so we were stuck outside for quite some time. HAHA (: we went in. i hole-punched the stack of papers and bundled them. (cos i cudn't use the program) and wasted time. hur. when the program was fixed, i continued with my work. THEN THEN THEN! when i finished. i was asked to go down to the HR place. AND AND AND! i was told i could leave already. HA! joy. JOY TO THE WORLD. (grins) leave. quit. resign. begone. begone from that place. FOREVER. omg. weeeeha! of course i got my pay. crisp notes. the smell. ahh~ hahaha. i'm ending here now.
ALOHA beach. shopping. late mornings. movie marathons. ice cream. etc etc etc. weeewooweewooweeeewooo! (:
what if the time stops ticking at 10:13 PM
Dear Diary.
i can smile, today (: 'cause i didn't wanna talk to her much. i spoke to her less than 5 times today. busied myself with work. but every now and then my mind drifts off elsewhere. thinking of so many other things. i actually got sick of keying in the figures. i'd find myself staring at the screen, then quickly snapping out of the situation. just in case someone catches me idling the time away. work wasn't too bad today. i interacted with a colleague or two. lol. and i initiated the conversation! i'm proud of myself. LOL. be proud of me too k? it took me great courage (for a timid person like me) to open my mouth.
for the past few days, when i was down and out. my family and friends were there for me. and i'm so very thankful for that. thank you each and everyone of you. for listening to my complaints. for lending me your ears. thank you kylie, for having you the trouble of hearing my cry over the phone twice and for all the messages you sent with words of wisdom. thank you mom and dad for talking sense into me and giving the best advice any parents would give to their child. thank you daddy, for standing up for me, without me even knowing. (he called the company up and told them they didn't had the right to hold me back since i've given them my one week notice as stated in the contract. since my manager didn't want to let me go) thank you mommy, for the warm hugs every morning. thank you korkor for all my grumblings every night. thank you the whole grp of you (i doubt they'd read this anyway) for always being at coffee bean and making me feel not alone and again listening to my rants. thank you my msn chat friend (you know who you are) ALSO for the same thing. hahaha. thank you everyone who tagged, namely yazid and kenny for the concern given. thank you for those who sms-ed me also (:
thank you all.
for without you peeps, i guess i'd have problems going through the hardship. i know there are people who think i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. just difficulties at work and i make it sound like the end of the world. HAHA. i admit to that.
tomorrow, is saturday. then SUNDAY, break day! woooooot! then three more days. it's just like waiting for the exams to end you know. argh. i still haven't had the chance to shop till i drop. (smacks forehead) got to run now folks, take care! heh heh.
what if the time stops ticking at 10:22 PM
Dear Diary.
i am back. back to drain my sorrows. today in the morning. i handed in my resignation letter. and not long after, i got the treatment. i got myself mentally prepared that ugly things would happen. but i couldn't handle it i guess. my manager wasn't pleased without a doubt. she told me off a couple of times today.
she said (translated from chinese to english):
- dont think the office is like a playground. you can work and quit as and when you like.
- you dont decide when you want to quit. you can only quit when i say so.
- i got a whole lot of work for you to do, only when you finish then i can let you go.
the contract stated that when i had to give a week's notice before they let me go. so i'm not in the wrong right? they dont have the right to keep me back..right?
later part of the day, when i handed in a part of my work:
my face is always gloomy and all. i think everybody that knows me, knows that. but why the hell would i want to look all gleeful and happy when i hated it there. when i got told off in the wee hours of the morning. pffft. ANYWAY. she said she didn't like the look on my face. she said it's as though she owe me a living. said that my face was black. HELLO. try staring at hundreds of 13 jumbled digits for hours, see if you can bring out that inner smile anot la.
at that time. i felt really awful. felt like crying so bad. but i couldn't, at least not in front of her. i controlled ALOT, before i rushed off to the toilet, pulled out a big bunch of tissue paper and cover my face and cried 'into' it. the rest of the day, i had to bear with it also. which was horrible. after work, on the bus. i sat at the corner. and cried. hoping nobody saw. but i think the person beside me was aware of it la ><"
when i set foot in my house, i let it ALL out. and my mom got a shock when she say me crying at the maindoor. at first, my parents told me to not go tomorrow. then at dinner time. they talked to me further. saying this IS working life. this is what it's going to be like in the future. they said, to take it as a learning experience. initially, i was set on 'quitting' without notifying them. but while i showered. i thought over alot of things. i thought. all i had to endure was 5working days. and i'd get a few hundred bucks. and the long awaited freedom. but. the main idea was to overcome my weakness. to become a better and stronger person. since young. be it primary school, secondary or work. i always cry in the beginning. and i always run away from it. this time, i'm going to try not running away. but facing it. sure it's going to be tough. and definitely a decision i will regret. and i'll probably come home crying again tomorrow. but what gives? (: i'm going to give it a shot. my dear friends. and my beloved family. i need your support.
LOL.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:58 PM
Dear Diary.
i hate my job so bad. i hate it so much. i'm going to resign tomorrow. (let's out a HUMONGOUS sigh) did not get a chance to post after i started work. so i'm going to do it now. i absolutely abhor the environment and the people there. i mean, data entry is a simple task. but what the heck. i have to answer phone calls. have to do my colleague's job. HELLO! the newspaper specifically said DATA ENTRY CLERK. to hell you go la. i'm not told when my lunch break is. i'm not told when i go home. only when i picked up my courage to ask. then i realised. pffft. stupid me sat there hurrying to finish my work. i'm given stacks of work which include a thick file of data, catalogues, etc. and i always have to help my colleague print barcode labels. tons and TONS of them. give me a break man.
you know, the place there is so damn oo-looo. and filthy. there are huge ants crawling INSIDE the fridge. houseflies flying around the canteen. when i lunch, i find ants and houseflies attacking my food, spoiling my appetite. in the office my limbs gets attacked by mosquitoes. and the mouths of my superior(s)? FILTHY. i always thought bosses were refined. my view CHANGED. they keep scolding vulgarites and they never stop telling the workers off. as though they're perfect. imbeciles. majority of the people there are malaysian chinese. and there are who seem like filipinos. there's this age-gap and language barrier there. i cant interact with anyone there.
today at work, i felt pretty lousy. i had the urge to cry and i tried hard to hold back my tears. but i couldn't control them. and started crying. thankfully, i sit facing the wall. in small little space. i reached for my tissue and quickly wiped my tears. then at lunch, i called kylie and cried again. my god. hopeless right? i know. i feel like a crybaby. maybe i am. hmm. anyhow, my parents reminded me to leave at 6 on the dot. don't let them eat into my time, 'cause i dont get paid for OT. so, i finished typing my stuff. and wanted to pack up to leave, when my colleague came over with papers in her hand. DANG! i thought. SO MANY BARCODE LABELS TO PRINT. i rushed like crazy. wth. sickening people. my mom says they are exploiting me. are they? argh. i have to resign tomorrow. i HOPE tomorrow is my last day there. but chances are, i have to stay for another week.
i overheard my manager talking on the phone. she was telling the other party how busy she was and how empty the office was since so many people left. (it isn't really empty and she did'nt look busy at all, most of the time she was laughing like nobody's business)
my lower back hurts so much. no thanks to the solid hard chair. they get comfy chairs while i get this small and HARD chair. as though the chair's made out of plastic wrapped in leather. hur. what happened to worker's welfare?! omg. the more i rant, the more frustrated i get. with my fingers crossed. (and everything other thing that can be crossed) i wish, i wish, i wish that i can quit on the spot tomorrow. AHHH!
end.
what if the time stops ticking at 11:38 PM
human beings. me, in particular. are/is/am weird. when i was scouting around for a job and couldn't find one. i was complaining day in, day out. hoping everyday someone gives me a call, and tells me YOU'RE HIRED! but today. when i went for the interview. when i got hired on the spot. when i know my salary sucked big time. when i know i had to start tomorrow. when i know i had to work even on my oh-so-precious saturdays. when i know the place is at west coast (near clementi and kind of out-of-the-way). when i know i hadn't had my fair share of enjoyment. when i know this wednesday's beach-cum-vivo outing-cum-celebration is out of the question.. I HATED IT! i wish they'd tell me i could start next monday. or at least give me a higher pay la. i have these working blues now. the same feeling everytime i get whenever i go to a new school or when school resumes (after a long break).
somehow. i'm afraid i wouldn't get the job done properly or correctly. i'm afraid i won't be able to finish the task given within the time frame expected. and i worry over little things. like. lunch break? where do i go for lunch in that, weird place. how do i pass my time? is/are there going to be any communication problem between me and the folks? (since they are pretty much chinese educated people) OMG. i'm going crazy! okay. so maybe one year later, when i come across this post, i'd smack myself in the head and think to myself what a fool, coward, courage-less person i was then. my dad says, in the society now. you have to have courage. to dare to do things. and not be afraid. but I CANT HELP IT. sheesh. relax girl. tmr's going to be fine. it will be. right? ):
what if the time stops ticking at 11:59 PM
yesterday i was out job-hunting again. this time, with peiqi, huimin and aloy. and this time, i filled up more application forms and attended more interviews. but today, i recieve no phonecall from any of the companies. i walked and walked and walked. walked all over town. from wisma atria to takashimaya to paragon to far east. inside, we walked from shop to shop. by evening time, my legs were about to give way. today, i stay at home and wait for my phone to ring. pffft. the rest? i need not say more. anyhow, the lady who interviewed me said by next week, if i'm shortlisted, they'll give me a call. so i still have hope. but chances are, HAHA. i doubt i'll get it la. the pay's good though. $6.50 per hour. 5day week. simple office task. sounds cool. hur (:
my dad's colleague lent him (my family) a whole bunch of CDs. while my mother was using today, i watched CARS and OVER THE HEDGE. animated stuff. but the two shows are pretty nice. heh! i cant imagine how i'm going to carry on living my life (during the hols) with NOTHING to do. no job. no entertainment (when my mother's using the computer). omg. it's mental AND physical torture i say. my friends are always busy. and i have nowhere to go. argh. and i was looking forward to the holidays. my goodness. what was i thinking! but wait wait wait. let me comfort myself a little. at least all these boredom beats school? (:
P/S : CHECK OUT THE NEW LAYOUT I MADE! hahaha.
