what if the time stops ticking at 4:49 PM
ahh. absolute NO THANKS to the lightning/thunder. argh. ZAP! off went the electricity in the house. POOF! went my half written post. KA-BOOOM! went my experiments. hurhur.
i cant be bothered to re-type evrything. anyhow, i've been experimenting with adobe lately. brushes, textures, layouts. (during the MYEs? yes.) hahaha. shake me to reality somebody! ((: but that's what i like doing. my ambition is to be a well-known graphic designer. but, FAT HOPE. haha. firstly, i think i'm not creative enough. secondly, i'm not skilled enough. ayee. i think i have to work on my self-confidence. heh. at long last, i've finally figured out how to create NEW brushes, and work with them. ah-ha! i've made my very first step! there is hope. -smiles-
however. with eyes fixed on me, round the clock, i have difficulties using the computer, let alone experimenting with the brushes. oh well. i dont give two hoots. anyway anyway ANYWAY. gasps with excitement. heh. my mom just asked if i'd like to help her friend design a logo thing for her new business. it's like i'm doing FREE-LANCING business here. HAHA. sounds so darn cool dont you think? free lancing. heh! she says, there's this designer offering my mom's friend a 500dollar deal. OMG LA. hahaha. i'm gonna take up this job. hur. ((: who knows what might come out of it? -grins- ladida.
enough of computer usage.
FOCUS rach!
midyear examinations! ahhh!
HUGS COMPUTER GOODBYE. heh.
what if the time stops ticking at 5:41 PM
this post goes out to the following people
sheri; thank you for telling me although you're always running around with other grp of friends. you'll listen to me i i call out to you. thank you.
kailing; thank you for sms-ing me through the night. asking if i was okay. comforting me and letting me look at the problem from a different point of view.
jiewei; thank you for saying consoling words, trying to make me feel better. giving me ideas as to how to feel better and space to cool down.
kenneth; thank you also for smsing. not once, but thrice. asking if i was okay. offering to be my listening ear. and for being very patient with me.
peiling; thank you for saying you are my friend. i appreciate that, alot. maybe you're right about having friends who care for me w/o me knowing.
evon; thank you for telling me everything is alright. and for being a special friend.
kenny; thank you also for telling me you're my friend. and for your comforting words to make me feel better.
__________________
you people make me feel like. life isnt so bad afterall. and that there are people who care for me. i want to tell you all that i love all of you. some of you are my close friends. some of you are not. but there's one thing about you all that's the same. and that is: you're really nice people who try and try to make me feel better. i want to thank all of you. very much.
(hahaha. i make it sound as if i've just recieved an oscar award)
with this, i leave to start mugging.
mathematics. here i come!
once again.
i thank YOU!
what if the time stops ticking at 12:51 PM
after i blogged last night. i told my brother i dint wanna use anymore. i walked out of the room. closed his door. and the tears welled up straight away. this time, i couldn't hold it back any longer. i closed my doors, turned on the aircon and pulled the blanket over me. i wept. and i wept. i think it's pathetic how i always talk to my ceiling when i'm upset. it sounds downright dumb. but. i cant find anybody to talk to. i start thinking about things. my thoughts started to run wild. i'm envious. i'm..jealous. people. they have a buddy. a pal. a friend. a partner. me? solo. alone. isolated. friendless. maybe in front of people, i laugh and poke fun of others, tell lame and cold jokes, disturb people, smile. i think nobody can really tell how upset i am. but that's alright. in class. no, there's nobody i can relate to. anna and miaohui have each other. sheri, she's here and there. the other people, forget it. in school, even worse. at home, sometimes i want to walk up to my mom and tell her i feel awful. but sometimes i feel neglected. ah, me and my stupid thoughts. my friends. they think it's stupid how i have to blog everyday. how i cannot part with my computer. but i tell them the computer, it's my life. my only companion. the one i always pour my woes out to. my close friends have all left me. in primary school. there was rahila. there was vannessa. after primary, everything ended there. there was still anonymous then. then in secondary school. first it was weezhen, things didn't work out. huimin, she has her own grp of friends now. but, i always thought, it's alright. cos there STLL is anonymous. is she still there. i dont know. i dont know whether she reads my blog or smth. i dont know. its always the people close to my heart that has the most authority to break it. who can i reach out to. i dont understand anything anymore. i dont even understand myself. i want to shut myself out from this world. my dad will say, why do you want to indulge in self pity? my mom will say, you always think your life sucks, but compare yourself with others and you'll know how lucky you are. others view my family as a happy family. i think in my family i'm the the jigsaw piece that doesn't fit in.
last night. two people msged me. asking me how i was, yada-yada. maybe it isn't that bad afterall. maybe. but i was hoping it was anonymous who msged me instead. i missed how she'd send long msges with her words of wisdom. i missed her positive attitude. i miss how she'd always view things optimistically. a friend of mine said, its not wrong to think she's changed. cos everybody changes. she's right. but. why do people always change for the worse. then she said maybe anonymous just isn't in a good mood today. maybe. but i have only myself to blame. just bcos of a stupid stupid game. those that scare the shit out of people. other people wud laugh their ass off, come back 'scolding' me, playing. but anonymous was the only one who went like what the fuck. and she completely ignored me. and then typed a long msg. and continued ignoring me. i want to yell at myself for sending her that link. she said she dont blame me. blah blah. but. friend, i blame myself. i want you to know you're still my best friend, thou i've never told you before. i want you to know i'm always here for you, busy or not. i want you to know my ears are wide open for listening, my eyes are wide open. i want to go back in time. i want it to stay that way.
i know you're bored, listening to me rant and rant. reading this piece of junk. i know i'm the kind who thinks too much. i know.
_____________
red and swollen;
my eyes hurt from all the crying.
what if the time stops ticking at 11:44 PM
things weren't like this before. no they weren't. but this year. i think i'm losing you. i think you are not you anymore. i think maybe i'm thinking to much. its no longer like before. i think i'm going to end here today. i think i'm going to end my day under the covers. i think its time i cry it all out. i think i cant keep it inside anymore.
i miss the good old times.
i miss you.
i feel alone. i feel like i dont have any friends. i feel pathetic.
i feel like i dont really have anyone to turn to.
i feel lost. i feel hopeless. i feel lousy.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:21 PM
fear inside-out. that's what i feel when i'm with him. it just leaks out of me like that. its like evry step i take towards him, i'm afraid he'd turn around to bite. but i press on and not give up. he's nice at times. overprotective at times. with him being overprotective. means he gets nasty and mean sometimes. but. it all shows sign of love. is that not right? i'm sure he loves me. like how i love him. just that, i dont show it.
so when i told him about classmate who borrowed my file and messed everything up. he flared up. oh yes he did. in my mind i was thinking. is he being plain overreative. or is that care and concern? a dab of uneasiness. a dab of happiness. ((:
i try to relax a little more, each time, bit by bit. hoping one day i can talk to him about almost anything just like how i talk to my mom. yes. that man. he's my father.
_____________
so anyway. i mentioned earlier that a classmate messed up my file right? it happened yesterday. which PISSED ME OFF. initially, i did NOT want to lend him my chemistry file. but he pleaded and pleaded. and as usual, i got a little soft hearted. (damn that) ended up lending him my file. so about a day or two later, he returns me my file. i dint open to check my file there and then. but at home, i dont know what made me open my file to check. i gasped. inside my file, pieces and pieces of worksheets were MISSING. not only that, the stapled edges of my worksheets were torn apart. some of them were not stapled back. but those stapled ones were all jumbled up. for e.g. topic1 stapled to topic 2's answer sheet. topic 1's answer sheet stapled to common test paper. and it goes ON. it made me blow my top. i was in my room hopping mad. i wish i could yell at him. but i had to bear with it.
until this morning in school. ARGH. i stormed into class and told him off. he seemed pretty cool about it. then i told him to get back ALL my worksheets by recess. he said okay. but but BUT. when recess's over. he returns to class. EMPTY HANDED. zzzz. so i asked him where the worksheets were and he went like, oh ya hor.
slap me in the face somebody! tell me i was a fool. a bloody fool. a stupid fool. a FOOL to have lent him my file. this is going to be the LAST time he's gonna lay his hands on my file. there's not going to be a next time.
___________
ahh! MYE resumes tomorrow. lol. social studies. one subject which requires lots of skills and memorising. (think. memorising. and short term memory..) AHH. hahaha. nevermind. i'll get those facts and notes in my brain and dare say out loud that, "hey! i have contextual knowledge!" hurhur. cold. i know. ((:
toodles people. time to hit the books. all the best and best of luck to one and all! -grins-
what if the time stops ticking at 7:32 PM
people. in school. in my class. my schoolmates. my classmates. they see me as a goody-two-shoes. in their minds. they think rachel is one who completes every single homework assigned to her. one who breaks no rules in school. one who passes with flying colours and makes no flaw. i, on the otherhand. beg to differ.
they overreact if i dont finish my homework. if i flunk a test. if i dont study for a test. if i score badly for exams. they give unnecessary comments/remarks, i DONT like to hear.
maybe its a compliment, in a way. that they think i'm the guai sort. maybe i was. maybe i've changed. either that. or they're portraying plain sarcasm.
____________
today in school. it was madeline who said, "aiyo, rachel ni bian huai le" due to the fact that i dint complete my chemistry homework. then glyn. who got a shock when he saw my N level cert. he told me he thought i was the kind whose life revolves only around books. study study studying. of course, the reason being what he said, was cause i dint do well for my N levels la. but. what the heck. its OVER. gone. history. ka-pooof!
funny thing is. after all they've said. it makes me want to work even harder. it makes me want to ace in my studies like i did in the past. maybe what my parents and teachers say MAKES sense. maybe i only have to be a nerd/geek for a couple of months, until the exams are over. maybe its time to snap out of my good'ol jolly days and get back to reality. two more days to my social studies exam. and i've not even touched the book. ok. maybe i DID touch it. but i've not read a single page from it! yes, smack me in the head. help me wake up.
i've been saying at the end of my blog entries that i'm going to study. going to do my homework. yada-yada. but half the time, i end up falling asleep. I CONFESS. )): at times, i feel like such a failure. a big. no. not just big. a WHOPPING big disappointment/letdown to my family. yeap.
i realised. in order to DO well. we must love our books. we must develop an interest in learning. (HA!) easy for me to say. but. it works okay! haha. its like..when you know how to do/solve/answer those questions. you feel DARN good. ok. nevermind. its hard to put in words. but. you can FEEL it. hahaha. problem is. i dont know where to start. zZzz.
we're given plenty of homework evryday. so how do we find time to do revision/studying? by the time we finish our work. we're half-dead alrdy and just wanna plop on the bed and switch to snooze mode.
__________
anyHOW. school dint pass by as quickly as i thought it'd be. but still, when the clock ticked 1:05, sheri and i left school. walked to westmall, dragging our feet. gave up halfway, took the bus. HAHA. ((: then met kailing overthere, catched IceAge2. stupid sabretooth squirrel and his acorn/nut. lol. after the movie. went home. yeap. that's my day.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:00 PM
tuesday. haha. there's nothing to update on. except that i had my chinese mid year examination today. paper one two and three. wasn't too bad. do-able. pass-able. unfail-able. heh. hopefully i can score a distinction or smth. hopefully..
tmr's wednesday. a short day. ((: after school i'm probably going to watch IceAge2. yay yay. i think wednesday(s) is/are one of the easiest days to go through. especially since there's 3periods of DNT. heh. just slack. listen to mr tan nag. yeap. and maybe let the mosquitoes breeding in the workshop sting me.
________
last sunday. i had symptoms of 'falling sick'. and i thought. damn, i hope it goes away before the exams. but? it just HAD to happen. it always happens during the exams. i dont know why. then i'll have to sit in the silent and COLD room with a runny nose and superDUPER ticklish throat, cough cough coughing away. probably irritating the surrounding people. hur. right now. it's at stage two. nope. not SERIOUS yet, actually, i hope it goes NO further then stage2. )):
yawns. im burned out. and definitely starting to feel the stress. haha. so i'm going to shower and complete my homework right this minute. take care people.
i am tired.
i am very tired.
i am so very tired.
boohoo.
what if the time stops ticking at 7:50 PM
today was the mark of the Mid-year Examinations. had english paper one and two. which were KILLERS. the comprehension passage was damn chim. i hate those 'historic' kind of passages. what man-ape. what Moon-watcher. zZzz. and my composition. i seem to have written out of..point? -slapsownforehead- ahh.
anyhow, when the papers ended, the usual how-do-you-find-the-paper routine happened. so i answer weiliang. telling him it nearly killed me. and he went, "but you come from an ENGLISH speaking family leh. how can it be difficult?" that pissed me OFF. so i rebutted, "so? what's the big idea? then how come you come from a chinese speaking family, your chinese like that?" there! shot him down. (not exactly thou) he's like made of steel. the only feelings/emotions that linger within him is sarcasm. so i gave up there and looked away.
after the papers, lessons resumed. had english and dnt lessons. school ended. then chemistry remedials. thereafter, the usual four (sheri anna miaohui and i) went to lot1. bought ourselves lunch. sheri & i went home. whilst anna and mh continued gallivanting around the mall.
i've not been happy the whole of today. the moodswings. ugh. dont like it one bit. )): the weather's not helping much. but. its a nice feeling. (the weather i mean) chilly and cosy. how i wish i could snuggle up with a mug of hot chocolate in my hands with a good book to read.
on the contrary, i'm going to have to sit in my chair with a boring chinese textbook to study. -bangsheadonthewall- oh well. few more weeks and im free from exams. (yeah right)
__________________
crap. dumb blogger's not republishing any of my stuff.
what if the time stops ticking at 9:02 PM
hello computer. HELLO you! haha. im back home. home sweet home.
so i ended up leaving the house at 7pm last night. my family, aunt and i took her car to malaysia. over there, my father's side people, they own this bungalow place. big. spacious. deserted. but cool. haha. they have many rooms there, but still, i shared a room with my brother. ((: cos its dark and can be preeetty eerie at night. ahem.
before we made our way there, all of us stopped over at this eating place. had dinner. i was offended. somehow. when my aunt asked me a question. or rather, the intention of the question she asked.
here's how the conversation went;
"so, rachel, you're still schooling now is it?"
"uh..ya?"
"orh. your final year?"
"yup"
"-nods- then what do you intend to do after that?"
"go to the polytechnic."
"ya, you should try to go there."
"yeap"
"cos i thought after that if you're not
studying anymore i want to find you a job"
maybe it doesn't sound that bad here. but the tone. the way she brought about the question. the way she talked to my brother. i mean. i cant help but to think my relatives are.. (i cant find the word to use) but nvm. my brother's going to the university and all. he has the brains. yada-yada. they seem to see him/speak to him in a different manner. i feel inferior to him. that i admit. i cant put it in words. but it doesnt make me feel good.
that night. i had trouble sleeping. i was tired. physically. but mentally? awake. still, i managed to fall asleep. woke up once in the middle of the night. to release my bladder. -heh- then at 650am, mom woke me up. it was time to bathe. so i crawled to the bathroom. and. BRRR! it was freezing COLD! i was literally shivering in there. teeth clattering away.
anyhow. we hopped on the car, zoomed to the hotair balloon place. haha. i'll cut short.
-zap-
the ride was DUMB. we went there, all excited. thinking we'd be 'flying' around the place, high and mighty. BUT? the hotair balloon was attached to ropes, rooted to the ground. zzzz. it was only like four miserable storeys high. no thrill. no fun.
had breakfast. then we toured this showroom house. omg la. DAMN nice. i think the price says it all. RM3mil. hahaha. ((: but change it to SGD. not that. uhh. costly right? HAHA. self-decieving, that's what evon would say. dad says its his dream house. kor says its his future. i say its MY HOUSE. tsktsk. VERY modern. VERY classy. DAMN gigantic. DAMN cosy. SUPER stylo. SUPER milo. ahhh. i want that darn house. hahaha.
all of a sudden i feel like renovating my room/house whatever. SHOW ME THE MONEY! i guess the saying "money makes the world go round" IS true. =/ we snapped lots and LOTS of good pictures. but im damn lazy to post them up la. hur.
and now im damn lazy to type. school starts tomorrow. BUMMER!
__________________
i look outside the window.
and all i see are raindrops.
they look somewhat..familiar
they look like my tears.
so i ended up leaving the house at 7pm last night. my family, aunt and i took her car to malaysia. over there, my father's side people, they own this bungalow place. big. spacious. deserted. but cool. haha. they have many rooms there, but still, i shared a room with my brother. ((: cos its dark and can be preeetty eerie at night. ahem.
before we made our way there, all of us stopped over at this eating place. had dinner. i was offended. somehow. when my aunt asked me a question. or rather, the intention of the question she asked.
here's how the conversation went;
"so, rachel, you're still schooling now is it?"
"uh..ya?"
"orh. your final year?"
"yup"
"-nods- then what do you intend to do after that?"
"go to the polytechnic."
"ya, you should try to go there."
"yeap"
"cos i thought after that if you're not
studying anymore i want to find you a job"
maybe it doesn't sound that bad here. but the tone. the way she brought about the question. the way she talked to my brother. i mean. i cant help but to think my relatives are.. (i cant find the word to use) but nvm. my brother's going to the university and all. he has the brains. yada-yada. they seem to see him/speak to him in a different manner. i feel inferior to him. that i admit. i cant put it in words. but it doesnt make me feel good.
that night. i had trouble sleeping. i was tired. physically. but mentally? awake. still, i managed to fall asleep. woke up once in the middle of the night. to release my bladder. -heh- then at 650am, mom woke me up. it was time to bathe. so i crawled to the bathroom. and. BRRR! it was freezing COLD! i was literally shivering in there. teeth clattering away.
anyhow. we hopped on the car, zoomed to the hotair balloon place. haha. i'll cut short.
-zap-
the ride was DUMB. we went there, all excited. thinking we'd be 'flying' around the place, high and mighty. BUT? the hotair balloon was attached to ropes, rooted to the ground. zzzz. it was only like four miserable storeys high. no thrill. no fun.
had breakfast. then we toured this showroom house. omg la. DAMN nice. i think the price says it all. RM3mil. hahaha. ((: but change it to SGD. not that. uhh. costly right? HAHA. self-decieving, that's what evon would say. dad says its his dream house. kor says its his future. i say its MY HOUSE. tsktsk. VERY modern. VERY classy. DAMN gigantic. DAMN cosy. SUPER stylo. SUPER milo. ahhh. i want that darn house. hahaha.
all of a sudden i feel like renovating my room/house whatever. SHOW ME THE MONEY! i guess the saying "money makes the world go round" IS true. =/ we snapped lots and LOTS of good pictures. but im damn lazy to post them up la. hur.
and now im damn lazy to type. school starts tomorrow. BUMMER!
__________________
i look outside the window.
and all i see are raindrops.
they look somewhat..familiar
they look like my tears.
what if the time stops ticking at 1:30 PM
i was too tired to even touch the computer when i reached home yesterday. so i thought i'd do a two-in-one thing today. yeap.
yesterday;
we were being let off earlier from school. 1055am lessons ended. went to submit my dnt folio work. at LONG last. heh ((: happiness. lol.
then, alone, i made my way to lavender. collected my renew-ed passport. and headed straight home. the journey wasn't as long as i thought it would be. reached home at about 130pm? used the computer awhile. took my shower. then i went to cck interchange, met up with huimin and the whole grp. took 188 to school.
there was this dumb annual awards thing. the teacher-incharge said we were the 'specially-invited-graduating-classes' followed by 'which means its compulsory'. boo. wasted my time. everyone were having a blast. laughing away. chatting away. pulling each others' legs.
but there i was. sitting there. like a fool. like an outcast. yeah, that's what i was. i didn't fit in at all. that's what i hate about school. school is like. is like a sheep farm? (bad descriptive example. i know.) o.O and im that black sheep. walking around aimlessly. with nowhere to go.
anyhow. after the whole program. the school, dispersed? sheri kailing and i stayed a little longer. then sheri's father came, she left with her sister. walked around for a bit. then kl & i went off. sat at the bus-stop. chatted. until 10plus. then we took 188 back home.
today;
im leaving sunny island singapore this evening. funny how come nobody believes me. -slapsforehead- haha. maybe 'cause i always talk nonsense and fool around. ((: anyway. everyone! its for real! -pauses awhile to think of what to right- its the start of the day. nothing much to write about. hmm.
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my lousy mood's not going away. leave. please? sigh.
i want to go to the beach. i want to stand on top of the rocks. i want to scream. i want to scream out loud. but. screaming wont help. will it? i want a hug. a big big hug. i want someone to tell me everything's alright. but its a lie. isn't it? i want to cry. i want to cry my heart out. but i cant. can i? i want to hide under the covers all day long. but it'll be as good as running away. is that right? what's wrong? i dont know. i really dont. i dont want to be someone i'm not. i dont want to live a life feigning someone i'm not. i dont want to put on a strong, a brave, and a happy front. when actually i'm dying inside. i want all of this to end. but it wont. that, i'm sure of. it wont. it wont go away..
what if the time stops ticking at 9:29 PM
LANGUAGEissues.
so WHAT if i'm english educated. so WHAT if i'm brought up speaking only ENGLISH (and barely chinese) in my family. so WHAT if sometimes i do well in my english. so WHAT?!
then there's like EXPECTATIONS from you guys. if i dont do well. people will go like. that's impossible. HELLO? do i look like a straight-As-student- from the Oxford University? NO! i make FLAWS people. FLAWS. just like ANYONE else. and if i do fair well in it. you say im weird. and what? haolian????
-slapsownforeheadhard- i dint even say a thing you buffalo!
what's life when every english paper you sit for, is filled with PRESSURE. having stinking thoughts running in and out of your mind. like. if i do badly. people will start mocking at me. and be challenged? i hate competitions. i hate it. let's be frank here. people, they THINK my english is relatively good. but i tell them time and AGAIN that NO. MY ENGLISH IS NOT GOOD. why wont it get INTO your peabrain?! i call myself a borderline-case. wobbling on this thin thin line. push me a little to the left, i pass. push me a little to the right, i fail.
and THEN there's something called; chinese. rachel's greatest fear. no thanks to unwanted remarks given off by people. yes. im chinese. and i ought to be able to speak and write chinese. i CAN speak and write chinese. just that im NOT GOOD at it. i suck at it. there, i've said it. i've admitted it. but does it stop there? apparently NOT. scoff. scoff at me all you want. argh. im tired of it. years and years of all this shit. 'rachel! speak chinese!' is there a LAW saying i HAVE to speak chinese 24/7? no i dont think so. so get your butt out of my face. i speak chinese and people go like WOW. like smth went wrong there. and all the sacarsm starts gushing right at me.
i think all of your brains are stereotyped with the fact that rachel is suppose to excel in english and totally suck at chinese. and i think im going to stop here. so much to say, so little time.
what if the time stops ticking at 11:58 PM
i click. i click. and i click. ERROR that's all the pages say.
-whackscomputerinthehead- (eh. did i just say head? heh.) anyway IT WORKED! hahaha. luckily i managed to get this post up in time. the clock nearly ticked twelve. tsktsk. see, my computer still loves me.
anyhow. like any other days, im tired. only, maybe im MORE than just tired. all the late-night-sleeps. and the aftermath of it. ahh. its killing me (in a way). BADheadaches. grogginess. lethargy. how much longer can i hang in there. i really dontknow.
oh well. ((: mr tan. or rather mr-you-know-he's-going-to-give-you-an-extension-for-your-folio-AGAIN did in fact give us all an extension...again? its no fun anymore. haha. no thrill in it anymore. no more the oh-shit-im-running-out-of-time-to-complete-my-folio thrill. lol.
today after school. sheri anna miaohui and yoursTRULY ((: haha. scrambled out of school, and FEASTED. yeah, you heard me right. gobbling down slices of raw fishes. soft shell crabs. baby octopuses. squids. and many MANY other stuff. they taste damn GOOD la. i call this group of people my "eating khakis" heh. we are FOODpeople.
today is coming to an end in a few minutes. so im finishing it off here. sleep tight people. dont let the bugs bite. ((:
what if the time stops ticking at 8:24 PM
my post for today is going to be just as BORING as my day. i hate tuesdays. on tuesdays, i'm always either ALMOST late for school or, LATE. i hate having to RUN to school early in the morning. dumb bus. dumb traffic. cant it move ANY faster? journeys used to take as long as 20mintues. nowadays? 25-30mins. maybe you're thinking, "its only five minutes what." but, five bloody minutes can save me much tragedy! hahaha. okok. i know i'm making a mountain out of a molehill (in other words, EXAGGERATING) tsktsk. ((:
another thing i hate about tuesdays is after-school CHINESE LESSONS. it never fails to spoil my day. especially when you KNOW you cant reach home until its 6something. especially when you're all worn out and have a pile of work waiting to be cleared off by the end of the day. crap isnt it?
true enough, there IS work staring at me in the face. english and much-disliked dnt. -bangsheadonthewall-
what if the time stops ticking at 7:58 PM
hugs computer. AHH. hahaha. long time no see you sweet thing. ((: i miss looking at it. touching it. using it. now its mine! heh. i really sat down and MUGGED and did my work all the way yesterday after i logged off. of course i had to go for my dinner & shower in between la. but..MAN! hours and (i repeat)..HOURS of sitting down, staying put, staring down at my work, CONCENTRATING. this is what i call, a sense of satisfaction. heh. i felt darn good. yeap. that's the kind of mood i need for studying. hopefully it'll last for the next two/three weeks or so. -looks blankly at the computer, the enemy-
hur. x) anyway. i slept only at 230am the 'night' before. and woke up at 530am. 3 pathetic hours of sleep. funny thing is, the late-er i sleep, the more energetic i feel. o.O haha. well, its not like im the only one feeling that way. so i guess its...normal?
yeaps. pulled through school today. one period i feel like snuggling up and snooze, the next period i feel WIDE awake and jumpy. -take temperature- eh, everything's okay what.
ohcrap. i've got to get my butt off this chair preeeetty soon. did i mention despite the long LONG hours of dnt-ing, i've not completed it? o.O bah. but, as the saying goes. once bitten, twice shy. in the past, i always completed my work, while everyone else's folio paper were blank, clean and flawless. then they get to hand in at a much later time, while stupid-me slogs through the night, painstakingly, trying to finish it up. so, NO MORE of such stupidity. i'll follow the crowd.
tata for now. im off to have dinner. ((:
what if the time stops ticking at 1:41 PM
hurhur. check out this link caromes gave me yesterday.
http://colinandkero.blogspot.com/
what is that link about you may ask. haha. some blog of two gays in singapore. o.O does that interest you? heh. quite entertaining i must say. ((: read the enteries. two of my frens, were downright disgusted. some think its funny. some think its normal. i think its cool. HA! but, what's wrong with being gay? (not that im 'gay' or anything) hur. dont discriminate! lol.
oh well. i told my brother i'd only use for thirty minutes today. yup. JUST thirty mintues. i intend to bury myself in my homework/books. time's run run running OUT. )): i'm left with 10minutes. boo.
farewell little people.
what if the time stops ticking at 5:56 PM
i woke up, jumped out of bed. looked at the time, and gasped! ohgosh. it was 2pm already. that sleep was darn good. just what i needed. so i got up, strrreetched, and went to wash up. ((: had brunch, watched a little bit of tv. mopped the floor. washed both my school shoes, washed my schoolbag, pencil case. and un-intentionally cut my thumb. ow!
when i was done with my chores. one by one, my family made their way out of the house. so now i'm alone in this house again. but i like the privacy. hur. x)) no disturbance whatsoever. no disturbance but..BIG DISTRACTION. especially since there's a load of homework waiting for me to complete. sheesh. )): and there i was thinking i could conquer the computer. wishful thinking. -slaps forehead-
homework;
english summary
chinese compo
chemistry TYS
dnt folio (pieces AND PIECES of ideation/design development left)
somebody, pass me a lighter/matchstick/...torch -stares at pile of homework-
and there's dinner to settle. hurhur. dont play play ok. got main course and dessert. ((: anybody wanna join me for dinner? tsktsk.
ahh. look what computers can do to you. they get hold of you, tie to the chair and forbid you to study. and and the exams are just AROUND the corner.
-bangsheadonthewall- so that sums up my agenda for the day. )): boring and stupid and nobody-spends-their-saturday-like-this. i know. sigh.
what if the time stops ticking at 11:32 PM
spent most of today using the comp. in the evening, i went to visit my porpor & gong gong (mother's side). seeing my grandma never fails to make me smile. i dont know why. but i just feel happy seeing my grandparents. -grins-
after visiting, my parents and i headed down to chinatown. where we ordered various dishes. and all of them, were darn good. ((: pity my brother couldn't join us.
speaking about my brother. his friends are still here. ahh! -bangsheadonthewall- LOOKS like they are here to stay for another night. please tell me i'm wrong. -wide eyed-
so i go about saying/doing/typing things indirectly, trying to tell anonymous to BUTT OUT of my life. but it appears to be of no use at all. which is pissing me off like nobody's business. argh. ask me what's bothering me, and i'll tell you, 'its YOU'. like, just buzz off will you?
what if the time stops ticking at 11:50 PM
the post i wrote earlier had to be deleted. crap. -slaps forehead- details will not be disclosed. lol. like so professional lydat. O.o anyhow. it seems, im not in a happy mood again. i hate the way my brain works. the ratio of my memory to other people's memory is probably 1kb:1gB. hmm. and that stinks. laugh, laugh all you want at how forgetful i am. bloody short term memory. how it involves other people and gets them in deepshit? so, now i blame myself. and i dont feel very good about it. why is it that the human brain chooses to remember un-important things and forget ones that are needed. why does it have to be that way. why?
today;
school was TWO thumbs up. most of my teachers (chemistry, chinese, PE and history) weren't in school today. surprise, surprise! haha. i mean, how often can we get THAT many teachers absent for one day's worth of lessons. the moon, it wasn't JUST blue. it was DARK blue. ((: hurhur.
my brother's friends are coming over later. to stayover and jam. crap. look at the time now. plus they wont be back anytime soon. so, that means they'll be jamming while rach's away in snoooooze mode? yikes.
today;
school was TWO thumbs up. most of my teachers (chemistry, chinese, PE and history) weren't in school today. surprise, surprise! haha. i mean, how often can we get THAT many teachers absent for one day's worth of lessons. the moon, it wasn't JUST blue. it was DARK blue. ((: hurhur.
my brother's friends are coming over later. to stayover and jam. crap. look at the time now. plus they wont be back anytime soon. so, that means they'll be jamming while rach's away in snoooooze mode? yikes.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:44 PM
stuck in my little own world. that's what my day was like. the whole day, i couldn't understand what on earth my friends were talking about, and i was really DEAD to the world la. dint know what was happening around me and stuff. few stupid things happened today. only sheri, anna & mh knows what im talking about. we had a good laugh about it. haha. no thanks to my blurness. -slaps forehead-
typing it all out here wouldnt be as funny as the real thing, and i dont wanna make a fool of myself here. o.O hur.
so after sku i had oral. not smooth going. but still okay. both sheri & mh's oral were postponed to a later date. so sheri went home first, while mh waited for anna and i to be done. we then headed to lot1 and had ljs. laughed somemore over there. boo.
sheri left first, she had to go somewhere. and the three of us spent a long time in popular. heh. ((: mh & i had the habit of carrying out a 'quality check'. and of course, anna was the 'check-er'. hur.
reached home, thinking i could have the computer ALL to myself. only to find out my brother and father weren't going out. crap. so this is yet again another goodbye. ayee.
what if the time stops ticking at 6:56 PM
ugh. i hate gastric pains. they always follow up with stinking migraine. to hell with them. makes me feel so darn lousy. and that's what im feeling right now. really crappy. the aroma coming from dinner. its killing me. i need food! boy am i hungry. ><"" but i've gotta wait for my dad & brother BEFORE i can start tucking in. how very tempting.
school was tedious (why do i bother repeating such dull stuff i wonder). mrs wong was ANNOYING. no. not 'was' but ALL THE TIME. do you not think so? do this do that. give this out, give that out. collect this, collect that. how i wish i could give her a tight slap across her face. argh. irksome.
it rained today. quite cooling. hvnt been in the best of moods lately. i dont know why either. weird'ol me. i think the weather kinda compromises with my temperament. -slaps forehead-
got the sa1 list today. am so NOT looking forward to the mid year examinations. its almost 2weeks (i think). 9days of examinations. plus the weekends and days we hvnt got papers, yup. nearly 2weeks. )): boo.
i need to work up a timetable or smth. and really FOLLOW it this time. tsktsk. my brother just reached home. but not my dad. ahh. i think im gonna starve to death. somebody saaaave meeeeee.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:42 PM
tiring day. i want very much to plop myself on the soft and comfy COMFY bed. its literally luring me closer and closer to it. ahh. but i cant friggin' lie on it! no thanks to sticky-and-dirty-ALL-over me. ahh. )): i cant wait to shower. but but BUT. even after that im still prohibited from lying on it. cos once i do, magic happens. hahaha. i'll doze off really quickly and it'll be like so hard to wake me up la.
tmr there's social studies and chinese test. crap. then there's chemistry corrections. and i was planning on doing some math revision. but no, i cant do that anymore. due to the lack of time. boo. see! when i want to study, things just start piling up and refrains me from doing so. ayee. it stinks, badly.
there was sports day at 145pm today. recess was cancelled and taken over by chemistry lessons. by 1130, everything ended. sheri and i went to meet gine & yinteng. we took a cab to lot1 then lunched at ljs. walked around abit. took 307 to the stadium. and slacked like nobody's business over there. it was plain BORING. ugh. seemed many people were restless and frustrated, etc etc. -slaps forehead- sorta killed any happiness left in me.
when we were dismissed. sheri called up her dad for him to fetch us all (sheri me and her sister). lucky LUCKY me. her mom was in the car too. when we reached lot1. they went for dinner, while i headed home.
-screams- AHH. i wanna sleep. i dont want to study today. im not 'in shape'. sheesh. im gonna end here. i think i'll take my bath and hit the books & homework. )):
p.s. happy birthday jieting ((:
what if the time stops ticking at 9:17 PM
i think the words 'release me' pretty much relates to me now. that explains why i chose this layout (:
pretty early in the morning i heard this loud thud. but i dint bother finding out what it was and went back to sleep. awhile later, my handphone alarm rang. dang, i thought. i had a hard time getting out of bed. but the alarm was deafening. i stood up, all groggy, only to find my phone lying on the floor. ohcrap? but its not like the first time i pushed it off my bed, asleep. ((: hur. switched the alarm off and got my clothes to shower.
my family and i were gonna pay our respects to my father's father and my father's father's father? O.o heh. anyway, i hate meeting up with my relatives. you've gotta put on this stupid fake smile and act all friendly and formal. dumb i think.
so we left home earlier, had breakfast at delifrance, then headed down to novena, walked to the temple nearby and met up with my relatives. did the usual stuff over there, left. went to visit my ahma & had lunch with her, left. got home. finished up the book i was reading. slacked. changed the bedsheets. used the computer. went for dinner, took a picture for my passport photo (ugh). and im back home again (: hehh.
need to fill up a form now. goodbye.
what if the time stops ticking at 11:39 PM
yay yay. finally i hung out with kylie. ((: tsktsk. good ol' times i say. heh. met up at 1230, it was pouring like nobody's business then. drenched..well, not TOTALLY. but still. argh. took the bus to the interchange then hopped on 190. along the way, i saw wilson & jiang lin on the bus. hi and byes.
kyl and i alighted and walked to taka. she told me there was this levi's sale going on. was hopping i could get smth cheap and nice from there. but chances are i-will-not-get-anything-in-there. cos the sales were like up to 70% or issit 40% i cant rmb. ><" jammed packed with ppl in there. every step taken was used with much force. hur.
and yeah. we really dint get anything. it was either nice-but-TOO-expensive or cheap-but-NOT-nice. ((: oh well. walked around town. to and fro, here and there. she brought me to this malay chicken rice stall. i give it a thumbs up. xD crisp and delicious. got myself a top. she got herself a top too. after MUCH consideration (and help) of course. heh.
oh oh OH! there was this urmm.. free cookie thing from mrs fields. so we went to take the sample. AHH! superrrrb i say. its chewy, fudgy. VERY melt-in-the-mouth. VERY nice. kylie and i have this craving for it now. crap. ><""
continuing. uh. took the bus home. saw wilson again. this time with another two guys from my school & no jiang lin. haha. and in between, i saw suhaila. AHH. yes i did. ((: hee. talked for a short lil while. i missed her. boo. and also saw my cousin, another hi-and-bye thing. singapore IS small. o.O
ahh. tmr morning gotta wake up at 7am. for qingming. (uh, tomb sweeping festival?) at least i dont have to wake up at 3, 4am like the others. heh. so this is where i end today. gonna catch up on some reading now. tata!
what if the time stops ticking at 11:34 PM
its a late LATE post today. today is friday. a special friday. haha. ((: number one, cos there isnt a need for me to stay back for ANYTHING whatsoever. [three cheers for that] number two, cos it mommy's birthday. haha. my brother and i planned a teeny weeny surprise for her which turned out to be a success. tsktsk.
initially, there was plan ONE. which totally backfired due to some reasons. so then we proceeded on to plan TWO. after school today, i had lunch with anna & miaohui. (SHERI had to stay back for a test & gb so she couldn't go with us/go back with me ; weiwei. see your big BIG name there? happy already?) after that i went to buy this furry and fat and exceptionally big cookie monster for my mom. it was all part of the plan la.
anyhow, in the evening my kor & i took the train all the way to novena and had this yummy-yum-yum dinner at united square. BLOATED! but satisfied. haha. halfway or rather uh....three-quarter way through dinner, i asked the boss to help me tell the singer (singing in the restaurant) sing a bday song for mom. wahaha. ((: fun fun.
went home. the MRT was so darn packed like sardines. waited for the next one. i kept dozing off (standing). zZzz. quite embarassing. but what the heck. i was so tired. heh. got a place, sat with my brother. while mom & dad were opposite us, a few seats away. we were all sleeping. O.o
came home and operation: surprise SURPRISE! came to action. lol. both of us laid candles (of her NEW age x.x) on the floor. which made the place look like an airport runway. BUT it looked darn good, especially when the lights were off. it lead her into a room. where furry and fat and ENORMOUS cookie monster was. ((: and and AND my beeyouteefool-lee hand-drawn birthday card contained with our lovely LOVELY messages. hur hur hur. mom said we were sneaky. i think it was fun. most importantly, she LOVED the surprise, the candles, and that fat thing looaaaads.
i love birthdays.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! ((:
what if the time stops ticking at 8:33 PM
tests. tests. tests. and MORE tests. ahh. gimme a break already. -slaps forehead-
there was suppose to be social studies test, physics test and history test today. kind hearted social studies teacher of mine postponed the test to next week. ((: heh. anyway. i nearly fell asleep during the physics test. o.o dint know how to do that paper. stupid radioactivity thing. what half-life. counter-strike? alpha? beta? gamma? shooo! nucleon? protons? neutron? electron? isotopes?! tell me, is this PHYSICS or is this chemistry. -slaps forehead again-
anyhoooww. there was this conflict thing between two guys from my class yesterday (over a stupid PIECE of paper which fell on the floor). i got yelled at for NO rhyme or reason. (long story; lazy to type) HUR! like its any of my friggin' business. what an ass. is this the beginning of a cold war? anyway, since he YELLED at me for a mere LOOK at him, i dint bother LOOKing at him, much less speak to him the entire of today. i was bloody pissed. argh. fancy venting his anger on an innocent party.
another tiring day. i duno why. i've got to sleep earlier. there are black rings forming round my eyes. DARK ones. i look worse than a panda.
so anyway. i've gotta head to my books now. )): farewell to you.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:22 PM
scenario one ; locker
i pulled out all my books needed for the day. thin ones, THICK ones. dragged them to the usual morning meeting place. stacked them up nicely and put them down. darn heavy. =
scenario two ; carpark
-looks around frantically for sheri- anna miaohui and i were wondering where on earth she was. but she was nowhere in sight. dang! i thought she was late. so i carried the STACK of books up to class.
scenario three ; classroom
-click click click- i sent an sms to sheri. asking where she was. *brrrr* that was my hp vibrating. message from: sheri it says she's not coming to school today cos ...... (blah blah blah) i got a shock. anna miaohui and i did. O.o haha.
okay. enough with the scenarios and stuff. anyway. i was pretty happy thinking sheri WAS coming to school. but zZzz. hahaha. mh, disheartened. why? she was looking forward to having a companion to bully me. argh. )): hahaha.
after social studies lessons, i popped over to lot1 got myself smth light to eat (yet again). then took the bus to sheri's house. gave her all the homework she's been missing out on. stood outside her house. chatted for quite awhile. had lots of things to tell her about, but it just slipped off my mind. haha. cant blame the ssstm syndrome. -slaps forehead-
oh well. duno why i feel so lethargic today. there are LOTS of tests coming up. boo that. gotta go study for them now.
-end
what if the time stops ticking at 8:32 PM
heh. ((: my day; draaaaggy school followed by 3hours of chinese torture. yup. haha. anyway, i was dead hungry the whole day. wanted to eat, but changed my mind. was looking forward to dinner. tsktsk. anyway when i reached home. Mmmm..nice smelling dinner? mom cooked big fat round ham steak, mouth watering sausages, melt-in-the-mouth scrambled eggs and corn & mushroom soup for dinner. -big grins-
yay yay. sheri's coming back to school tmr. just ended my conversation with her on the phone. aww. )): yesyes, i admit. i miss the disturbance, singing, etc etc. hahaha. (hope she doesnt read this)
i've been uhh, relatively happier. after a mini 'talk' with anonymous (a friend of mine). abit relief. yet still worried and a tap uneasy. miss hanging out and stuff. ayee. cant wait fer next friday. GOOD friday. holidaaaay. haha. but but BUT that also means the mid year examinations will be drawing even nearer. crap! )):
what an uninteresting entry today. hurhur. take care people.
what if the time stops ticking at 9:00 PM
ahh. stinking computer. something's terribly wrong with it. since ytd my web browsers always have this ERROR thing. -smacks comp in the...'head'- then there's msn which refuses to deliver any of my msges. to hell with you. ><"" argh. actually, nothing much to talk about today. just one of those usual boring posts. yupyup.
school is..boring. =/ yeah. sheri hasnt been coming to sku for quite some time now. stupid food poisoning. stupid gastric flu. leave her at once! BOO.
there was this english RE-common test after sku today. both passages talking about sushi. ahh. sensitive topic especially when one is hungry. hur. ((:
the weather was so friggin' hot, after the paper i rushed home. fortunately for me, i managed to hitch a ride on the (usually have to wait so damn long) bus188 the moment i reached the bus-stop. yay? lol. grabbed a seat almost immediately and sorta dozed off lazily. went to lot1 bought smth light for my screaming stomach. those hunger pangs. argh. felt as if there was a war inside or smth. followed by a headache. den i made my way home. ahhh. the cool COOL fan. the soft SOFT sofa. luxury. hur. ((:
notice its 9pm now. HAHA. kor isnt here to chase me away as of YET. =x whoops. but i'll go off now. sa1 coming. must act guai abit (eh. nid to act meh? i very guai de wad.) tata people. it's gonna be another LONG day tomorrow. -frowns-
what if the time stops ticking at 10:12 PM
its quite happening today i must admit. haha. not like my usual sundays. my day started off with a sharp pain at my back. ahh. 'lao mao bing' o.o looks like the pain is here again, i thought. for those who duno wad im talking about; during a visit to the ite last year i slipped down the stairs all the way on my bum. ouch. my back has been injured since den. boo.
so i sat in front of the tv. ate my breakfast as i watched. boring tv shows. after breakfast, i lazed around my brother's room. mom told me to vaccum the floor (which i have not done in ages. heh. ((:
i cleaned the whole house. the floor was squeaky clean after that. a sense of satisfaction/achievement, that's what i felt. hur. xD ofcos it took me a long while to complete what i was doing. and while i was changing the bedsheets, the pain came again. chasing up my spine. argh.
my mom's bday falls this coming friday. but my brother has this army thingy which totally clashes with the celebration so we brought it forward to today. met my grandparents and granduncle together with my family at jurong west for dinner. i watched around me and smiled to myself. i missed my grandparents. yeah. ((: hahaha. what a filling FILLING dinner it was. but it was scrumptious. my brother and i pat our tummys (AHH! tummy. x.x) and laughed at each other. lol.
after dinner, my grandparents & granduncle went back home. my family and i decided to walk around our old estate and even thought of going INTO our previous house. but, nah..we didnt. i seemed to have forgotten alot about the past. dang. me and my poor memory again. boo. but we did take the lift up. checked out the gates and stuff. -slapsforehead- heh. quite fun. the playground, mama shop, coffeeshop, void decks, etc. brought back memories. aww. reminiscing the past? HOWEVER. i still prefer this house la. hahaha. nth beats a clean environment. you should have seen how run down the place looked. o.o
we made our way out and we saw this cookie monster & ernie bday cake. my mom likes cookie monster AND ernie. ((: we bought the cake back home. cute. lol. as a matter of fact..we just sang her a birthday song and gobbled the whole (its small okay!) cake down. ahh. fattening day. x.x
so, yups. that's my day. and OMG la. i just remembered that there's chem. eng. and my stinking cme project to complete. -bangsheadonthewall- argh. off i go now.
what if the time stops ticking at 10:15 PM
initially i wanted to hurry up and complete the password-to-access thing. but the website wasn't up. so i'll postpone it to another day.
today;
was suppose to go out to marina with kyl&sher today. but it was cancelled due to laziness. haha. ((: cant be helped. at least i can stay at home and spend quality time with my precious computer. nobody to fight with over the computer.
i typed a whole load of crap there. thought of posting it up. but i changed my mind.
when was the last time i really LAUGHED? i dont know. i've been in a lousy mood ever since then. right after my three days of laughing fits and euphoria, it all gushed out. and mind you. people actually believed i was screw loose laughing my ass off everything, acting all crazy, shoooting words which freeezed them right off my mouth. inside. it stinged. badly.
friends? family? they kill you. mentally. yes. they do. there are truckloads of things i wanna type in here. but. there are eyes watching. i'll wait till next time. its quite stupid dont you think? my blog. but i dare not write my thoughts in here. hur.
-end
