what if the time stops ticking at 9:18 PM
have you ever cried because you were so dead angry? i certainly did. today, was the very first time i felt so mad i couldnt contain it and wept. all the rage in you struggling to erupt. i felt used. very used. used over and over again. i cant help but to look at all of your faces and label you HYPOCRITE. whenever you people need help/favours, you suddenly become the nicest, most sweetest person on the universe. as though we've been the best of buds for centuries.
i know it's dangerous and all to actually type this out here. but right now, i dont really give two hoots about it. some time back, during lesson time, my classmate grabbed my book while i was in the midst of doing my work and ran off, using it to pose that she's completed her work. i couldnt complete my work because she took my book. the next lesson, she didn't bring my book, again, i couldn't do my work. today, i got my book back. and realised that my name was being liquid-ed away and she had written her name and register number over it, submitted it in as HER work. i was...dumbfounded? no. used. maybe you think, it's only a book what. why are you making such a big fuss over it? but put yourself in my shoes, and tell me how you'd feel. i feel AWFUL. no different from you taking a dagger and stabbing it in my back.
there are two other matters, which i dare not type out here. sigh. i went home today, told my mother everything. she told me off. saying, why are you always letting people climb on top of my head. why am i always letting other people bully me. why dont i stand up for myself. why am i afraid of them. why should i be afraid of them. i feel like a tortise. whenever in fear, i hide in my shell. i feel, useless.
is the word HATE, the proper and right word to describe what i feel when i look at those people? maybe not. maybe i'm too tired to hate any of you. maybe i shouldn't even bother. maybe i'll just wait for the end of 3 months and rid any associations we have. maybe i'll do just that. maybe.
