what if the time stops ticking at 8:50 PM
during the two periods of DNT today, i planned to finish up some drawings for my folio. but mr tan told me he found a life-jacket for me. a striking, purple & green life-jacket. when my eyes first laid on it, i got a shock. what meant to be a harness, became a life-jacket. HA! but, now that it's all settled, who cares la (:
happy as i was, i walked into this room where i kept my project away from itchy hands, to retrieve my spring and put it in place, so everything could be completed. yes, the spring i painstakingly made with my bare hands. the spring which made my hand hurt like crazy. the spring which scratched me, which blistered my hands, which roughened my hands. yes again, i went through great pains to produce an almost perfect, unflawed spring.
guess what. this is the part, i nearly stabbed myself. this pretty black bag i put my tins of spray paint, the spring, and other whatnots. was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. i panicked. hysteria struck me like how a lightning would easily find and zap the tallest thing they could find. i wanted to die. but i thought, ahh. what the heck. i'll just do it all over again, as always. stay calm, rachel. pulled out a big coil of tough steel wire and started twirling the wire round this rod. i did this whole thing THREE times. frustration overcame me. no, it didn't go right at all. the wires were all crooked and uneven. ARGH! i threw away all the out-of-shaped springs. and then caught a glimpse of something..which looked exactly like my beloved spring. it popped out of nowhere! i quickly attached it in place, put on the life-jacket and VIOLA! i'm 99.9% done with my artefact! :D
in the midst of rushing through my folio. time's run, run, running OUT.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:51 PM
30july. my maternal grandma's birthday.
the best grandmother one can ever have. (i mean it) my relatives all came over to my place at about 6pm and we celebrated. my entire family and i helped whip up a feast. two thumbs up! (: all of them (except my aunt; she's watching some chinese drama show) have gone back home. dad's driving my brother to some 21st birthday party.
school. yes. school starts again tomorrow. -bangsheadonthewall- the only thing i'm looking forward to is dismissal time. was catching up with my cousin earlier. and we were talking about the usual school/dnt/exams/O'level/prelims stuff. haa. seems everyone is worn out by the whole study study study thing. somehow, he keeps me going. i must admit, it is a bit of a competition. being a year younger/older than every single one of my cousins will probably let me off the hook about the whole comparison crap. his prelims are like two months away. and mine? one. -wails- can't mine be the same as his? boo. he also mentioned that after his prelims are over, he doesnt have to go back to school UNTIL the major exams commence. ahhh! okay. this whole thought, is freaking me OUT. like, OMG! i'm about to graduate already. in a few months time. -screams, panics, and runs around in circles- hur!
does it actually sound cool? or dead horrendous? on friday, we had photo taking. this time, by PROFESSIONALS. ha! why do i emphasize on that word? 'cause for the past few years, the school have been using the digi-cam to take our pictures. budget or what?! it was pretty fun. only, i hope the pictures turn out well. -teeth clatters- tsk! it's like so fast right. yikes. time passes by, i think even faster than the speed of lightning. dont you think so? -slaps forehead-
shower time! (: plus i've got some studying to do, after all the time wastage today. have a splendid day ahead tomorrow! (yeah right)
what if the time stops ticking at 12:00 AM
6 days of non-existance here in Blogspot (:
what can i say? i've been busy busy BUSY.
the prelims are around the corner. BUMMER! almost exactly a month away. and i'm still trying to catch up with so many things. ugh. i'm still struggling with my math, chemistry, physics, history, social studies. SOS! i'm like stranded on an island with nobody to help me.
so anyhow. my father's friend is away on some business trip. haha. so he ask my dad to use it while he's away. three cheers for that! heh. 'cause then my dad can drive me to school in the morning. tsktsk. (and wake up later)
earlier on in the evening he drove my family and i to.. uhh. somewhere in changi. we dined RIGHT BESIDE the sea, on the sandy beach. the breeze was spectacular. i'd bring a couple of friends along if it wasn't totally out-of-the-way. so out-of-the-way, my cellphone beeped and said Welcome To Indonesia? yikes. okay, so the whole place was dim-lit with candles. the atmosphere and everything else was just right.
we had a long drive home. and i dozed off in the car. came home, all worn out. literally 'sleep-walked' myself to the bathroom so as to take my shower. now, i'm updating my blog. and saying FAREWELL to you folks. take care (:
what if the time stops ticking at 11:09 PM
Pink : Who Knew
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
who knew
what if the time stops ticking at 9:07 PM
ATTN: LONG ENTRY
What is depression?
Depression is a mood disorder that causes you to feel sad or hopeless for an extended period of time. More than just a bout of "the blues" or temporary feelings of grief or low energy, depression can have a significant impact on your enjoyment of life, your work, your health, and the people you care about.
Depression affects people differently. Some feel down for extended periods of time; for others the feelings of depression come and go. If you have short episodes of mild depression, you may be able to continue to work and take care of daily activities. However, if you do not seek some form of treatment for your depression, you are at risk for getting more depressed or becoming physically ill. In severe cases, depression can cause people to become incapable of communicating, unable to do routine activities, or suicidal. In these cases, it is essential to seek medical attention.
People with depression may be reluctant to seek help because they feel that it is a sign of personal weakness or a character flaw or that they should be able to "pull out of it" on their own. We now know that depression, like other medical conditions, has a chemical and biological basis. Treatment for depression is safe and usually effective even for severely depressed people.
If you think you may have depression, take a short quiz to evaluate your symptoms:
Interactive Tool: Are you depressed?
What causes depression?
Depression may be triggered by stressful life events, other illnesses, certain drugs or medications, or inherited traits. Although causes of depression are not entirely understood, we know it is linked to an imbalance in brain chemistry. Once the imbalance is corrected, symptoms of depression generally improve.
What are the symptoms?
Depression is more than just the normal, temporary feelings of sadness and hopelessness associated with difficult life events. The symptoms of depression are often subtle at first. It can be hard to recognize that symptoms may be connected and that you might have depression.
Common symptoms include:
Depressed mood.
Inability to enjoy activities.
Problems concentrating.
Changes in eating habits or appetite.
Difficulty
Feelings of guilt and hopelessness; wondering if life is worth living (common).
All of these symptoms can interfere with your quality of life. Even if you don't have major depression, if you have experienced a few of these symptoms for at least 2 weeks you may have a less severe form of depression that still requires treatment.
_________________
i hate this whole depression thing. it's practically eating me up. i know i sound stupid and all. i did that test above. and i was gauged as majorly depressed. like, what the heck right? -smacks forehead- for the past one week or so, i've been yeah, depressed, i guess. argh. my lifestyle has gone like all haywire. it's as though you jumble up the jigsaw pieces which were once put together in place. now, they're all messed up.
all those symptoms above? they're all what im suffering from now. how did i land myself in this state today? i dont know. i chatted with a friend last night, he said i was..different from the others. was that actually a good or bad thing? i dont know. i reckon different because i'm always alone. always keeping to myself. barely speaking. while the others are all happy-go-lucky, chatty, gleeful. it sucks. yeah, i probably have a choice of how i want my life to be. i cant make myself smile more, talk more, laugh more, be genuinely EUPHORIC. when i do so, it just seems all so fake. my voice gets all dull and monotonous. crappy. another friend told me that everyone has to go through this stage in life? true or not, i dont know. i told ANOTHER friend, i think i'm suffering from depression. she laughed, and said i was crazy. ouch.
trying to make the best out of things now though. hopefully i'll get, better? O.o not that im sick or anything. it's just another four months before i break free from this misery. i have to hang in there. i just have to.
darlings, if you intend to tag anything nasty. please, take it back. it'd be most appreciated. thank you.
what if the time stops ticking at 8:59 PM
we had a blast today. i guess. tomorrow is anna's birthday. anna. it's pretty fast dont you think? secondary one, two, three, four and now, five. this is our fifth year being in the same class, stuck together, (pass together, fail together). haa. it's a miracle im still alive and kicking today. (oops) anyhow. we countdown-ed our way through lessons. from 5hours 5minutes to 3hours 15minutes then viola! (: we were pretty high the whole day.
the four of us hopped on the cab and before we knew it. we were sitting right before the plentiful plates of finger licking good delights.
SCENE ONE: fish. not eaten.
SCENE TWO: 3 half eaten fish. Mine/Sheri's/MiaoHui's.
(i said we were high)
SCENE THREE: A whole soft-shelled crab.
(yes, how often can you find a full un-cut crab)
SCENE FOUR: Some wanton-like thing.
these pictures are only like 10% of what we ate. pity i cant put up all the pictures, 'cause. who takes pictures of every single dish in a buffet? O.o we were too darn engrossed with the food. hurhur.
in between the meals. i acted as an undercover person. giving off excuses like i had to release my bowels, i wanted to pee, yada-yada. while i ran off to get anna her mini bday cake, then the present.
ta-da!
looks good right? (: mmmm. anyway, we ate and ate and ate. and we were so damn full, full like fools. stuffing ourselves silly. what to do. we gotta live up to our slogan, make your money worth! i wont be touching sushi until the end of the year. no, i wont.
Anna, this entry is dedicated to you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (in advance) for this may be the last time celebrating your birthday as a group. i certainly hope you enjoyed yourself, 'cause i did.
what if the time stops ticking at 9:03 PM
have been an emotional wreck few days back. but i realise it's the teeny weeny pleasures of life that brightens up my day and make things truckloads better. in school, i hate it so bad i sulk my day away. at home, my spirits are lifted without a doubt. it's almost magical. i reckon it's the love and warmth i get from my family. but then again, NOTHING is perfect. sure there are flaws. negligence and all. (yes yes, i have a thing about me talking and no one listening/answering) feels like bits of food stuck in between your teeth. (alright, a VERY bad example.)
sometimes i sit through lessons, bummed out. empty on the inside. secluded from the rest. like a TOTAL outcast. blah blah blah. where i'll feel life's meaningless and all that shit. at the end of the day, you just want to crawl into bed with a mind filled with abhorrent thoughts. just then, a friend sends you this tear-jerking sms taking that whole load of your mind. i think she's like my fairy god-mother. no. my very good friend. my pal. my buddy. my sister (: one i cannot describe using words. i'm not going to advertise her, 'cause i dont want you snatching her away from me. i'll bite you if you do so.
_____________________
i'm having HORRIBLE muscle aches now.
how many people have muscle aches at their rib cages?
-slaps forehead-
psssst! anyway. call me WEIRD, but..
i love bruises & muscle-aches.
esp those bruises which have reddish polka dots on them?
(YUP, this is the part you're suppose to STARE at me)
but, quite cute what. dont you think? (:
what if the time stops ticking at 8:36 PM
she said "you know rachel, dont always think you're alone. 'cause im here." i had the urge to cry again. flashing in your head must be, rach's such a crybaby. i cant help it, really. but anyway, i held back those tears. i had to be strong.
- -- - --- -- - -- --- - -- -
i felt pathetic, the whole of today. as a matter of fact, every single day. school ended at about 145pm plus, minus. and my workshop only begun at 230pm. i walked about for approximately 5minutes, then decided to go up to class. 'cause walking about made me look like a fool. climbed up the multiple flight of stairs. as i approached my classroom. i heard laughter. the windows and door were shut tight. so i made a U-turn and went to sit on the bench.
took my cellphone out of my bag, checked the time. another 30 minutes. crap. i'll survive, i always do. that's what i thought. i fiddled with my phone, played a couple of games, looked through some messages and stared into thin air, whilst the breeze brushed across my face. slowly, i made my way down to the computer lab, where the workshop was held.
i dread entering that lab, clustered with strangers. i feel no different from an alien from outer space there. they poke fun of me saying, "girl, you go to the wrong class ar?" / "who are you?" / "how come you're in our class?" then there's this boy, acting like a total buffoon. trying to humour the class by impersonating the teacher, which i found terribly annoying. i would give him a tight slap if i had the guts.
an hour and a half passed. alas, the workshop was over. but wait. there's still two more weeks to go. UGH! -bangs head on the wall-
___________________
i dont want to be the middle-man.
i dont want to be placed in such a difficult position.
but i also dont want to see you all unhappy.
i want things to go back like how it used to be.
someone once said that changes are good.
i on the otherhand, beg to differ.
what if the time stops ticking at 7:58 PM
screams; AHHHHH! my mom has the pox! chicken pox! and no, it's not her first time. it's her SECOND time. she told me that when she had it in the past, it was a mild one. so that's why it came back. plus, mine was a really REALLY mild one. one i had back in my kindergarden days. -slaps forehead-
everybody cross your fingers/legs/toes/arms/eyes/mouth/nose/ANYTHING! i dont wanna have polka-dots all over my body and have a disfigured face and scratch myself 360degrees round and not eat chicken! ha! i talk as if i've just gotten the pox. zzz.
anyhow, i'm staying like a metre away from her, where possible. not touching anything she touches (which is almost impossible). not stepping into her room. lol. yeah yeah, i'm mean and all. but, HEY! it's called taking SAFETY PRECAUTIONS alright (:
call me paranoid. but why do i feel itchy. and i have a lump on my skin. OMG! tell me its a bloody pimple. tell me it's cause i've not taken my bath. TELL ME! tsktsk. boy, do i sound irritating or what.
on the otherhand. think of the luxurious break i'll be getting if i get it O.o aloha! -starts prancing around the room- :D pffft. get out of my head. me and my stupid thoughts. it's sort of like the worst time to get this dumb thing. cos i've got a stinking dnt artefact to complete and it's a BAD time to miss all my lessons. so. let's just pray i wont get sick. and that i've a mighty strong immune system to fend off all the viruses. WOO! (:
what if the time stops ticking at 12:07 AM
okay. my blog date here says Sunday. but its actually meant to be a Saturday entry. anyhow. i went to one of my aunt's house for some social gathering which i'm so totally NOT psyched about. it was some pot-luck thing. fried japanese chicken, satay, kuey pie tee (some crust with popiah filling, prawn, egg and parsley, Mediterranean salad (more like fruit salad) and fried rice/noodle. for dessert we had a choice of either durian or D.I.Y ice kachang. it was damn boring la. before we left home, i told mom going there was a total waste of my time and she said to her it's just a form of passing time. after our meal; my mom, brother & i went to sit in in the living room, where they had NO tv. BOLD EXCLAIMATION MARKS!! we just sat there and rot, literally. then i looked over to my mom and said is this what you call passing time? hur.
on our way home, we drove through geylang. haa (: my first time seeing prostitutes. omg la? their bosoms were like half bulging out. their skirts were waaaay short. and they were standing by the roadside trying to get attention from the men, i presume.
_____________________
one of the taggers wrote ;
Well, eveyone got their own life to lead and it is a tad selfish to ask others to put their life on hold just to hear your problems.
am i really being selfish? i thought friends would lend you their listening ears, their shoulders to cry on, their arms for a nice warm hug,
then the tagger said ;
If you would be a bit more trusting and less cynical, perhaps you can see the comfort you are looking for. The 2nd scene is just too familiar to me.
trust people more? i've tried. but people abuse that trust. i'm tired of this deceit. less cynical? it flows in my blood, i guess.
and the last thing the tagger typed ;
I think the most you can do it to avoid such situation and you'd be fine =/
let's see. by avoiding such situations, i must be an outcast/anti-social person (which i partly am already) AKA stop going out with anyone to prevent any conversations from taking place?
yes, i absolutely abhor myself for making my own life miserable/difficult. yes, i indulge in self-pity. yes, i always look at things with a skeptical view. yes, i am critical towards myself. and yes, hate myself for all that.
dear diary, i'm sorry for grumbling and complaining all the time ):
what if the time stops ticking at 11:54 PM
clicks open an Internet Explorer Browser, types on the address bar dictionary.com, searches Boring. and the various results?
bor·ing (bôrng, br-) adj.
Uninteresting and tiresome; dull.
To make weary by being dull, repetitive, or tedious.
-- - --- -- --- - -- - --
that PERFECTLY describe school. doesn't it? pffft.
from now on, these will be my after-school-irksome-activities:
Monday - Chemistry Practical
Tuesday - CLB Lessons
Wednesday - Social Studies Remedial/DNT
Thursday - Social Studies Workshop
Friday - The Only Free Day
_________________
you know, it's weird when one day you find that you're in a really loathsome temperament, and you just want to find somebody to talk to. then you think back on what your friends have said. things like "i'll always be there for you" and all the other whatnots related to that. thereafter, a list of people's names runs through your mind. but, none fits the bill of ahhh! finally someone i can pour my sorrows to? people give you the attention you need, only after you weep buckets of tears. at that point of time, when you tell them what the problem is, they listen and have this really concerned face plastered on their faces. real or not? nobody knows.
hypothetically picture yourself, already in an awful mood. after being let off from school, you're suppose to meet a bunch of people and head of somewhere. you give them a call to find out their whereabouts only to find yourself being left behind, while they've made their way out of school. you then walk to this eating place, and join them for a meal. forcing a smile on your face, trying to fit in their conversations which you barely understand, simply because you dont hang out with them often. you ask them questions, they dont hear you. you try to speak but you keep getting interupted.
question, would you feel uber lousy? cause, i do ):
what if the time stops ticking at 11:28 PM
ahh! (: new pictures of my love-love. he's so cute i wanna pinch his cheeks and squeeze him. -shrieks- everybody, hold your breath!
munching on his seeds
curling up in his food compartment like a furball
trying to escape? not so easy (:
AHH! i know you wanna scream too. c'mon people ADMIT IT he's just a-dor-a-ble. (faints) OKAY. enough of the girly thing. -slaps forehead-
anyway, check out the NEW skin. bright limegreen. ahh. pleasing to the eye? (: so if your mom or dad yells at you for using the computer for so long, immediately switch your browser to my blog and show them the 'healthy' greeness, good-for-the-eye page. it'll pull off. i think :D hmm. maybe i should add a picture of leafy greens at the corner? O.o okay, brrr, lame LAME stuff.
HOOOORAY for Youth Day tomorrow? hur. as long as there's a day OFF from school; i'll be happy, happy all the way! but wait. who wouldn't be? and AND, mom's bringing my brother for physiotheraphy tomorrow morning. YES! that means i have the computer all to myself. ahh (: everything's getting better by the minute.
